Clogged Toilets and Divorce

So Chris and I are getting divorced. It's been a long time coming, accelerated in some ways like everything probably, by Covid and the quarantine. Obviously it's not where I want to be, or how I want my kids to be raised, and is not an easy conclusion to come to, but here we are.

It's been a hard year and I'm now going at it solo, at least for the time being. Emotions have been running high, the kids are all handling things differently, between personalities and ages. Being in a place where they can only socialize minimally has made it more isolating and a lot more challenging. Sam has his friends more, as they are older and local, and independent in different ways. Vivian switched schools in September, to be in person as oppose to mostly remonte, and it has been a lot of changes for a little girl. Lanie is steadfast but needs reassurance and is figuring it out. She told me yesterday I couldn't have anymore birthdays because she needed me to never die (but that's a secret). 

We've all, meaning the kids, myself, and three animals, been plugging along trying to maintain. Mostly things seems reasonable and calm, and then all hell breaks loose. We've done lots of meltdowns, some hiding, a minor sledding accident, losing my keys, losing a kid here and there, even managed to poke Vivian's eye with the Christmas tree while taking it down. Or when Santa tried to enter Vivian's window on Christmas Eve, when a wild windstorm actually blew the top sash down, and I didn't notice for 3 days. Even after Vivian wouldn't sleep in her room because it was "too rattlely." We've done vet appointments, kid infections, and lots of corresponding with teachers. Mostly they've been super awesome at clogging toilets. Like every few days. Because really, I guess it's not a good bathroom experience unless you clog a toilet. Just for the record, baking soda and vinegar are purportedly helpful in breaking down human feces, but a plunger is really just more effective and efficient. The amount of toilet paper is also starting to get rationed, because I am also no longer pulling wads out.

 It's been a ride.

Thankfully my parents and sister have been around for emergencies and non-emergencies alike. For continuity, normalcy, and always food, and for the children, and some home repairs.

Basically what I've come to conclude is that this experience is kind of like a clogged toilet. Unpredictable and messy and really crappy. It's also taught me how amazing my kids and family are.  And how the children are little human beings who need their family in whatever shape or form that is, and how our blessings come in many ways. 

What Keeps me Going

 It's been a rough run, but these kids keep me going. Thank god for their sense of humor and for being able to turn around and catch the silly things in between the fights, laundry, cleaning and all the emotions.

The butt they made on the coffee maker.

Vivian's sponteaneous robot costume that she couldn't actually walk in.

All of Lanie's naps in various places.

When I can't actually get to Lanie because they've created a fort that I am not allowed to pass.

Lanie Found My Phone

 Always fun to see what the kids get up to when they find my phone.

Rockport Vacation

My parents took us to Rockport for a week. Here are some photos:

   

Sam and Vivian made up a "rate the driver game" upon arrival. It kept them well occupied.

They noticed the speed sign well before I did.

Sunsets.

Statue at Halibut State Park.

Auntie at Halibut State Park.

Reminder that all is not normal, the mask hook.

Misty morning at the beach.

Just "act normal, smile regular" photo.

The Fan

There are often inexplicable things that happen in our house. When I ask who did it, no one knows.

Here is an example from when I was in a meeting this morning with my principal and assistant principal and the two other ESL teachers, I turned my head and spotted the osculating fan.

Painting the hall

I've been painting the hall lately, as it is covered with grubby handprints and marks. 

I was painting and Lanie asked me, "how it felt?"

We talked about how it was sticky and wet and not nice to touch. 

Next time I looked, I saw this: 

I was completely surprised for some reason and she immediately ran upstairs and hid. Vivian went up to tell her that I wasn't mad, just surprised and to help her wash her hand. She came back down to report that Lanie's hand was clean and that she had talked to her. For days I couldn't figure out where she had wiped her hand and eventually figured I'd find it at some point. Yesterday I was tidying up her room and found my glove in her toy basket. I looked at it wondering why it was so dusty and then realized it was covered in dried green paint. 

Mystery solved.

Strawberry Picking

Strawberry picking this year was a little different than usual. Sam didn't come and it was hot. Wearing masks was required, so after being in the sun, it was a little much. The kids had to stay within arms length, 6 six feet away from other groups, etc, etc.

They lasted about an hour though and we got a lot of strawberries, which got mushy very quickly. Now we have lots of frozen berries for smoothies and popsicles!

Lanie's Drawings

Vivian has been drawing pictures and leaving them in people's rooms. Here is an example, a drawing of me that she left.

Lanie had a daytime nap the other day and woke up and said, that she "had a dream that told her to draw ugly pictures for all of us."

Lanie's drawing for Chris.

Lanie's drawing for me.

An additional drawing that I found.

Another.

Morning Reading

I love moments like these. Especially now, because I get five minutes to think and breathe.

Sam reading to his sisters and apparently also the dog.

Cinderella and the Bee

Lanie was dressed as Cinderella and decided to go outside to show Chris and Sam. However she encountered a bee on the porch as I was trying to take her photo.

Murder Hornet

Still quarantining for the most part and there was a huge bee or hornet in our kitchen right around the time we started hearing about Murder Hornets on the news. So naturally the kids left me to fend for myself. Every once in a while they would come by to ask if I had "gotten it yet?" 

Masks

All the masks. Viv likes to make them.

Vivian's Book

Here is a book that Vivian made as I was starting to think about how the children were psychologically handling the lockdown. She had been begging to see her friends in person and wanted to go in her grandparents' house. At least she was able to write about it! And it helped me decide she should see her grandparents and stay over. 

The Days Have Passed

When the book begins.

This says "it has been a terrible year. It really has. But I wouldn't be sad but I couldn't help at all. People were sick but it was so hard to help. So I thought hard. Others are surviving. But how could I help? I wanted to be able to help."

I feel like everything is spinning so fast and the Earth is going around. But it makes me feel dizzy and like I can't do anything.

I can't help. It is so bad.

I have no idea how we can fix the people who are sick. It feels to me we can fix this.

When I go in my treehouse to think with my brother, I thought I can help. But I can't. I thought to myself, my brother is old he is 10 years.

I know, we can do this! 

It feels like the days have passed and feels like they will get better. The days I hope will be better.

The end